BC Talk Discusses “How Toxic is Masculinity?”

Anticipatory fervor filled Devlin Hall 008 on November 11 as Fr. Paul McNellis S.J. took the podium for his talk, “How Toxic is Masculinity?”, sponsored by the Sons of St. Patrick, the St. Thomas More Society, and the Boston College Republicans. Fr. McNellis is no stranger to masculinity, having served in the Vietnam War as a Green Beret and later worked behind the lines as a teacher and a journalist. At BC Fr. McNellis is the faculty advisor for the Sons of St. Patrick and teaches Perspectives and Senior Capstone courses at Boston College.

Fr. McNellis started by detailing how the anti-masculine culture took shape, focusing on the harmful effects of the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s. He explained that in the frenzy for freedom from cultural stigmas, the knowledge of why we have freedom and how to use it were lost. 

He then covered how absent fathers have led to a decline in positive and authentic masculinity, saying “The problem is not that boys are taught the wrong things, it’s that all too often, they’re not being taught anything at all.”

Even though other male role models, such as coaches or mentors, can help instill in boys the principles of being a good man, Fr. McNellis argues that there is no more natural fit for this role than one’s father. In having a good father, a young man sees “the richest example, because all the virtues are needed, temperance, justice, courage, generosity, compassion, wisdom, mercy, magnanimity, faith, hope, and love”.

Fr. McNellis responded to a widely criticized aspect of masculinity– the idea that men do not share their emotions enough — by reading a letter written by Lt. Commander John J. Shea to his son during deployment in World War II. Father McNellis pointed out that the touching letter, although emotionally deep and genuine, does not focus at all on the author’s own feelings of fear or sadness, only on the love he has for his far-away family.
“Commander Shea never mentions his feelings, vulnerable or otherwise, but it’s obvious he has them,” Fr. McNellis noted. 

To answer the titular question of the talk, Fr. McNellis succinctly stated “The mere fact that you’re a man, does not make you toxic. The truly masculine is never toxic, because it describes a good man.” In Fr. McNellis’s view, toxic masculinity is better described as a failed version of true masculinity.

Fr. McNellis refined his stance further by saying that while men are not perfect or justified in all their actions, and that “we deserve no praise nor blame for things which we have no choice”. He argued that men should not apologize for things out of their control, but instead strive to act in the most virtuous way with the situation they are born into.

After a lengthy round of applause by the packed lecture hall, a question and answer period ensued. Students asked tough questions about what makes masculine virtues unique to men. Fr. McNellis clarified that everyone has the same virtues, but their expression is different between the sexes. The courage for men on the battlefield should look very different from the courage of women in the delivery room. However, difference does not imply inequality of value.

One student asked how a single mother could teach the masculine virtues. Fr. McNellis admitted that it is difficult, and that fathers are irreplaceable. In their absence, the community and the grace of God play an essential role.