Five years ago, I wrote my first Torch article on St. Martin of Tours. As I learned more about him, I felt a strong attraction towards him. I questioned how to process this, but when I shared my feelings with my friend she assured me, “That’s great. Any Catholic on the right track is looking for a holy man, but you must remember we are not born as saints. We help each other towards heaven as friends and as spouses.”
When I recall my admiration for other male saints, especially those who possess the fighting spirit and deep intellect, I am reminded of Aristotle’s and St. Augustine’s philosophy. We search for and are drawn to “Goodness” and virtue. This is clearly seen in who I consider to be my ideal, that being Jesus Christ, especially as portrayed in the Passion of the Christ. I have extensively prayed for a man like this. Yet, while most of my peers are spending Thanksgiving with their spouses, I am reminded of my single vocation.
My time at Boston College has been characterized by vocational discernment, starting with a focus on matrimony, an inquiry in Consecrated Virginity and religious life, and seemingly ending with assuredness in the single life. The first phase of my discernment involved utilizing my undergraduate studies to balance my romantic idealism with social science. I took courses which studied the mechanisms of romance. Encouraged by an assignment, my undergraduate quest became investigating “what is true love?” and “how is romance reconciled with love on the Cross?” I learned about C.S. Lewis’s Four Loves, Sternberg’s research on Consummate Love, and the neuroscience of love. Discussion of such discoveries are beyond the scope of this article, but the main conclusion was that romance can serve charity through the faculty of the will. Therefore, I was converted from being one of the biggest romantics who was in love with infatuation which is mainly a dopamine and oxytocin neurotransmitter release, to a zealot for Christian charity. This led me to considering life either as a Consecrated Virgin or as a Religious during my junior year, which are both holy paths. For reasons unmentioned I do not believe I am called to these.
Since I was a child, I had a sense that the single life was calling to me. Initially, the fear of potential loneliness frightened me. Now in my twenties after discernment, prayer, and guidance I realized that my single-life vocation is due to love which further recent revelations have confirmed. Just as the song “Like My Father” by Jax says, “I need a man who’s patient and kind [and intelligent]…I need a man who loves me like my father loves my mom;” similarly my father provides commitment, passion, and intimacy to my family, the experience of which makes it seem to me that he is one of the last of a dying breed. Therefore, my single vocation stems from an abundance in my upbringing. I identify with the saints who had similar relationships with their fathers—St. Therese of Lisieux, St. Gemma Galgani, the Blessed Virgin Mary—directing me straight to Christ’s heart. If dads serve as role models for the love of Our Heavenly Father, and if it is their duty to make their daughters aspire to long for Christ, then I doubt that anyone can meet these standards. Thus, here I am on Thanksgiving, spending it as a spouse of Christ in holy contentedness.
From the standpoint of Divine Providence, the single life is as useful as any vocation including that of marriage. It is an opportunity to extend compassion through prayers and Church ministry for those in most need. I have found that once I accepted my single vocation, the saints made their presence more felt, inspiring me to share the Lord’s love through Works of Mercy; they make it impossible for me to feel alone or lonely. Our vocation chooses us, and we are endowed with the agency to respond. Our path is the way in which we experience God’s love most deeply and cooperate with our wills most fully. This thing called “love” which I have sought so lengthily I have finally discovered through the single life. Unless the Lord guides me into another direction, I am impelled to practice this love through my vocation, which is also my life’s purpose, for the Kingdom. That is, to love as St. Paul preaches: charity, willing the good of another, by which all vocations are united.
Lourdes Macaspac, graduate of the class of 2021, wrote for The Torch as a C101 writer during her first three years and as a Faith Feature Columnist during her senior year. At BC, she majored in a bunch of things, enjoyed giving her time to service, and cared greatly for her friends. Through the fleeting sweet and sometimes chaotic moments, she rediscovered the meaning of her life: sanctity.
- What Is True Love? - February 28, 2022
- Thanksgiving Reflections and the Single Life - December 25, 2021
- My Good Friend, St. Therese - November 2, 2021