One of the sayings of my father that has made the greatest impression on me is that, “you are the average of the people you spend the most time with.” Though I didn’t give it any special attention as a child, I am beginning to realize the wisdom of his words. The words of the Bible seem particularly of note here: “for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Cor. 6:14).
I was rather unscrupulous with the kind of people I associated with in high school, and it led to regrettable life choices. I noticed myself doing, saying, and thinking things that I would never have previously thought I could, and not for the better. I started to notice marked improvement, however, once I became involved with a broader Catholic community.
No one lives in a vacuum. As infants, we try to imitate our parents, as children we begin to take cues from our families, and eventually, once we hit young adulthood, from our peers. As social animals, we are deeply influenced by what others think about us and conform ourselves to the pressures society and our friends put on us. This kind of pressure can help us become saints when we are pushed toward virtue, and sinners when we are pushed towards vice. Since this pressure is an unavoidable element of the human condition, we need to grapple with how to use it rather than how to avoid it.
The best way to utilize this aspect of human nature is to surround ourselves with people who push us towards virtue. The more we are around people, the more we take on their habits, mannerisms, and even their morals. If Plato is right and we can’t simply learn morals from a book or teacher, then we must learn them by example and practice. If we surround ourselves, then, with people who have no moral values, or values antithetical to our own, then we will come to be like them, no matter how hard we try otherwise.
This being the case, the most prudent thing to do is distance ourselves from those who drag down our spiritual and moral advancement. It may be difficult to hear, but if we are serious about wanting to imitate God, and become the men and women that we tell ourselves we want to be, then we can’t have it both ways. This is not to say that we must completely isolate ourselves from anyone who is imperfect—God forbid—since we are all sinners in need of help, but that our closest friends and confidants ought to be people we look to as moral and spiritual aides.
The word of God extols us to be a people in the world, but not of it. We are called to be a “city on a hill” which shines forth with the light of Christ, not for its own glorification, but for the greater glory of God. If it is true that we are constantly fighting against our nature and our closest friends about the kind of people we ought to be, then we are fighting an uphill battle and are not as effective at evangelizing others.
This kind of Christian unity can take many forms. As a college student it will likely include joining a few Christian clubs to connect with other dedicated students, or choosing to live with a new group of people who won’t influence you to go to events that you shouldn’t. After college this might mean looking ahead to plan where you might live or work based on the orthodoxy and spiritual life of the local parish and community.
Though this philosophy of life has very real and tangible drawbacks in the short-term, it is invaluable if we are looking towards something higher. If you take this approach you will likely not do all of the same things you like to do now. You will see yourself substituting that Friday night party at the mods for a Stations of the Cross in St. Joseph’s, turning down a pub-crawl on Sunday to go to Mass, or missing the big game for a Holy Hour. Frankly though, after seeing the development of myself and my friends in my time here, I advise everyone to choose who they let themselves become the average of wisely.
James Pritchett is a Sophomore studying History and Classics with a deep affinity for his native land, the Golden State. Despite being the most recent lover of Catholicism on the Torch staff, he is the C101 editor and his main interests consist of reading Dostoyevsky, playing devil’s advocate, and correcting people on niche theological heresies.
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