In Defense of Pipe Smoking

This article, my dear reader, is not, at least intentionally, a call for those who do not smoke to begin, but a defense of such activity in a formal sense as wholesome and an apology in the old sense. I do not pretend to argue for smoking from a medical point of view; one can find five score articles within seconds from credible health journals that say much to the effect that smoking kills. Secondarily, and in tandem with this last bit I suppose, when I say smoking, I am not referring to cigarettes (which certainly kill and are extremely addictive) or any of the plastic devices filled with many and sundry fruity chemicals used today (which are, at best, silly). I speak only of pipes and cigars filled with good old fashioned tobacco. Lastly, I am really only speaking to men. 

Now it is a phenomenon of men that they do not ask their friends to come over and chat without great, even dire, need. I am not a woman, but I have observed that the same is not true for them. This is all by way of making a preamble to my central thesis—viz. that men need an excuse to think, either out loud with others, or in their own heads alone, and that pipe smoking fits the bill tremendously, even shockingly well.

Men, armed with a device in their hands that holds in itself living flame like some wooden Prometheus, sending up a rugged and manly scent to the heavens, now armed with this, dear reader, they will sing the depths of their soul with an astounding fraternal candor. “Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell in unity.” says the Psalmist “Like the precious ointment on the head” (Ps. 133:1).

I’m aware that the conclusion to which, no doubt, reader, you yourself see me going, sounds like a qui bibit, sanctus est sort of claim, but reserve judgment for a half moment longer. It is indeed a good thing, nay, nigh on necessary, for men to talk with candor to one another. It strikes me that in this world of conversation often devoid of substance, a culture of pipe smoke would go a long way.

Now some might argue that men do not need such an unhealthy thing in order to speak. I have heard this on several occasions, and it seems to me that each time it came from a lack of understanding of the male psyche. Yes, it is, in theory, possible for men to speak in other circumstances, but in this real world of grass and brick and coffee, it just doesn’t happen.

As for the benefit of solitary smoking, I can only turn to personal experience. I think it’d be too far to say I’ve had all my best thoughts while smoking on my own, but I certainly have found it as an excuse to spend half an hour clearing my mind. Could one in theory spend a half hour clearing the old melon sans pipe? Yes of course, but again, be honest with yourself; it doesn’t really happen near as often as it should.

As a point of tangential interest, coffee at daybreak and whiskey after twilight will achieve rather the same end in their own ways, and I fully endorse both of these (moderately of course), but I have neither the space nor, being chained to my prime thesis, the freedom to go fully explain this.

Now it’s low-hanging fruit to reference Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, as he has a pipe in his mouth in half of his pictures, but he isn’t alone in the saintly community in this regard. Pope St. Pius X, St. John Bosco, St. Phillip Neri, St. Joseph of Cupertino, St. John Vianney, Pope St. John XXIII and St. Teresa of Avila all purportedly enjoyed tobacco. One day, St. Bernadette brought her snuff box at recreation one day, which scandalized another sister. She said, “Oh, Sister Marie-Bernard, you will never be canonized.” “Why not?” asked St. Bernadette “Because you snuff. That bad habit almost disqualified St. Vincent de Paul.” “And you, Sister Chantal,” twinkled Sister Marie-Bernard in reply, “you are going to be canonized because you don’t indulge.” St. Josemaria Escriva exhorted his Opus Dei members to smoke in order to have better conversation with other professional people. There is, in fact, even a patron saint of tobacco—St. Fiacre.

So in summary, I am not advocating for those who do not smoke to start. I ask only a moment of consideration before assenting to the knee-jerk response to condemn smoking as a whole. That said, and with as many grains of salt as can be mustered, if one is looking to try a pipe, find me.