Baby Steps

It’s almost a month after the start of 2015 and I have fallen through on every single one of my resolutions.  When the new year started, I convinced myself that it didn’t really count until I started the new semester back at BC.  When I got back on campus, I told myself that the new semester didn’t actually begin until after I had settled into a routine and figured out my classes.  Here I am three weeks later, and I still have not committed to any of my New Year’s resolutions. All of a sudden, life got crazy busy again, and I got sucked into the endless struggle of balancing work, school, friends, and everything in between.

One of the hardest resolutions for me to keep has been the most important one: the resolution to be more faithful. In the midst of being so busy all the time, my faith has fallen to the back burner. I struggle to say a genuine prayer, and going to Mass sometimes just feels like going through the motion.  Something about the whole thing felt extremely superficial and awkward to me.  What should I say when I pray? Why does it just feel like I am talking to myself?

After reflecting on it, I realized that the core of my faith is seeing God in others and through beautiful moments instead of through focusing on my personal relationship with Him. I can call someone my friend and appreciate all they do, but I am still taking that person for granted if I don’t put effort into the relationship and make time to talk to them and be with them.  It’s not any different with having a relationship with God.  As much as I recognize all of this, I have had a hard time executing changes, and I know it can’t just be my natural tendency to procrastinate.

In all of my resolutions for the past few weeks, I realized I have been too focused on making huge changes instead of focusing on the small victories.  A step to becoming healthier includes drinking more water everyday, and that is as much of a step toward my resolution to be healthier as completely cutting out processed food and sweets.  Similarly, my relationship with God doesn’t have to center around grand prayers and expressions of faith.  In fact, I’m sure that isn’t even what He wants out of a relationship with us.  Instead, I am going to try to pray small prayers more often in the day and go from there. A quick thank you goes a long way.   

I am definitely an imperfect person with many things I need to work on in 2015, and I know that the foundation of all those changes is to be found through focusing on my relationship with God, one baby step at a time.