I can’t sit here in silence
Lord, please hear my voice
The people cry and I ask why
Pain and hatred take root in hearts
To live amidst the virus is one thing; to be called it is another
And tears my heart apart
“We don’t want people who look like you here”
Stop it, just stop
The blood, the murder, the tears
I pray for healing everywhere
It is now time to become aware
Known as the “model minority”, so quiet, so demure
But I’d be sorely remiss
To turn away in a time like this
While people are being killed, people dying
People hurt, people crying
When I call out, “Lord, where are You? You feel so far!”
I hear You say, “I’m there with you, and I’m hanging on the Cross. I share your scars.”
And I say, “God, even those I know don’t understand.
But I know You’re the one holding my hand.”
For a long time, this went unrecognized
Now is the time to stand together, remembering Your love is our only prize
I will always remember those who befriended me and my family
And saw in us the shared humanity
I feel like Mulan all over again:
I cut my hair
Deeply into the mirror, at my reflection, I stare
Who am I?
I am not the virus. I am not foreign. I am Yours, oh God.
Born to an immigrant family of Asian-Americans with Filipino, Chinese, and Indian heritage, I am a first-generation American. As part of our Asian culture, I was raised to be demure and modest. So, heated topics have hardly ever occupied my thoughts and speech. Yet, with the rise of hate towards Asian-Americans and Asians throughout the nation since the breakout of COVID-19, there have been around 3,800 self-reported incidents of crime. So, with my parents constantly reminding me to be careful every day because my ethnicity may result in injury, it brings me to the reality of racism. This poem is my reflection on the melancholy I experience as being a part of that community which is now facing great violence and discrimination. It is my way of empathizing with those who suffer from hatred, bringing this to faith. The pandemic is a major daily concern for everyone today, and being viewed as the virus because one is Asian brings the sense of sorrow and threat to another level.
However, I try to see this as a way to unite my life with God’s suffering, especially during this Lenten season. My cry and plead to God for His mercy upon all those who face hatred and for those who commit it is the message of my poem. Through poetry, I recall the suffering our Lord went through for love of us, understanding He is always with us. Also, I discuss the search for my identity since implicit in these crimes is the portrayal of Asian-Americans as foreign. However, on the contrary I have always seen myself as a full-American citizen. There is an allusion to Disney princess, Mulan, because I greatly relate to her song, “Reflection”, during the moments of my life when I most deeply explore who I am. Through greater introspection and with the guidance of faith, I realize that the foundation of my identity rests in my Catholicism and in being a daughter of God above all else. Most importantly, God’s love and mercy heals every injustice, and all of humanity is united in the Eucharist.
Lourdes Macaspac, graduate of the class of 2021, wrote for The Torch as a C101 writer during her first three years and as a Faith Feature Columnist during her senior year. At BC, she majored in a bunch of things, enjoyed giving her time to service, and cared greatly for her friends. Through the fleeting sweet and sometimes chaotic moments, she rediscovered the meaning of her life: sanctity.
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