Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older?
Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long
The opening lines of “Wouldn’t It Be Nice,” a 1966 hit by the American rock band the Beach Boys, introduce a song that is surprisingly counter-cultural given the decade’s ongoing sexual revolution. The track follows a couple who is too young to get married but who both long for the domestic intimacy and freedom that marriage brings. Within, the upbeat background music combined with the wishful lyrics represents the intermingling of passionate love with tinges of despondency at its present lack of fulfillment. Looking forward, they dream about how “You know it’s gonna make it that much better/When we can say goodnight and stay together.”
To modern readers, their quandary may seem silly. After all, 70% of couples live together before they are married. Why wait? Why endure the frustration of having to separate daily from your significant other, of being unable to fully join your lives together, of delaying such happiness just for some official paperwork? Let alone refraining from sexual intercourse, an idea laughingly outdated to many. Nowadays all the “benefits” of marriage seemingly don’t even need marriage to be accessed.
Oh, baby, then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do
Oh, we could be married
And then we’d be happy
But what is the point of marriage? Why get married, when it changes virtually nothing in your lifestyle or relationship? I will dare to say that if marriage is allowed to continue down this path of what it is becoming, it will grow deservedly obsolete. It is no wonder that sliding out into divorce is so easy and common, given that it is usually an even lazier slide into marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a milestone, a drastic shift—nay, a brand new life breathed into a romantic relationship. (Quite literally, given that children are the pinnacle fruit of the marital union.)
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new?
Like waking up together, or sharing a kitchen, all these “little” things cement a marriage once it begins, and are the rewards for such a grand undertaking, to sustain the couple on their journey. If one consumes all his supplies before he even steps foot on the trail, it is unlikely he will make it to his destination. This principle is confirmed by the fact that half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, and couples who cohabitate prior to marriage are 11% more likely to divorce than those who live separately, there is clearly something significant not just about saving “it” for marriage, but saving living as a family for marriage, and the things which naturally attend that.
Perhaps that is why marriage is disillusioning for many, when there is not much left to uncover after the wedding day as it has all been squandered before the feast. When the honeymoon doesn’t usher in a perfect life of bliss as expected, when married life seems to become boring and monotonous, the couple who saved marriage for marriage will be prepared, will remember the long days when they had to wrangle their passions into order; they will already be masters who have realized that love is not just feelings, but what you will do for the other person, even at your own expense.
You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
Besides making marriage itself healthier and more satisfying once it arrives, this waiting during the courtship stages serves other purposes. The patience, discipline, and selfless love such boundary-keeping promotes help both partners practice putting their own desires and immediate pleasures second to a higher good, both the other person and the relationship. It strengthens commitment as well, forging a bond through inner character and sacrifice that will stand for a lifetime. This is particularly important for the couple’s children, as an intact home with a secure and peaceful parental relationship is crucial for their flourishing. Hence, this goes not only for Catholics, but applies to any couple who wills the best for their future family and children (which, hopefully, would be all).
Finally, putting things in their proper places—specifically married life being situated solely within the bounds of marriage—provides strong motivation to pursue one’s potential spouse with serious intentions, while simultaneously teaching one the great respect he ought to have for the Sacrament of Matrimony, not to take its blessing and privilege for granted.
Goodnight, my baby
Sleep tight, my baby
Until they are married, the singer must content himself with wishing his beloved well from afar. When she at last becomes his wife—the occasion instituting a fundamentally different quality of relationship—through their perseverance, they will have been fortified for both the challenges and joys of marriage awaiting them.
This entire concept can be related to the famous psychological marshmallow test, in which children are offered either one marshmallow to eat now or two to eat later, testing their self-control versus instant gratification. However, instead of marshmallows, you have earned the priceless treasure of an abiding, lifelong partnership, out of which can spring a beautiful family of eternal beings. What sweeter thing for which to “think and wish and hope and pray, it might come true”?
Liana Winans is a lifelong Bostonian studying Biology as a freshman in MCAS. While not working on Torch articles or practicing pro-life apologetics, she will often be found playing basketball in the Rec, reading at the Res, playing piano, or watching old action movies. Her go-to prayer is the Divine Mercy Chaplet.
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