Work in Progress

When you’re young, 20 years old seems more than old; it seems ancient. As a six-year-old playing with my dolls and watching my Disney movies, I always assumed that I would have my prince by now and that I would be able to effortlessly say, “I became what I wanted to be when I grew up.” I had this mindset through all of grade school and even into high school. By the time I was 20 years old, I would have it all figured out. However, here I am, finally at this unimaginable 20-year-old mark in my life, and I don’t have it all figured it out. In fact, I’m not even close to having it all figured out.

I entered Boston College like many freshmen do: unsure of what I wanted to major in. It seemed like only a few seconds ago that I was worried about what prom dress I was going to wear and now only a few months later I was being forced to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. How did everyone else just know? What if I picked a major and it was all wrong for me? What if I got stuck in a career I hate and am miserable? I had never felt so lost and unsure of who I was in my entire life. Then, one day at Mass, a priest was giving his homily and began talking about Philippians 1:6, which says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” The priest smiled and explained, “Don’t worry. You’re a work in progress right now. God is not finished with you yet.” These were exactly the words I needed to hear. God is not finished with me yet.

It can be so hard to forget that life is a journey. Even though things seem like a confusing mess right now, that doesn’t mean that they will always be a confusing mess. I stopped panicking about my major when I decided that I would be much more satisfied with my life if I pursued subjects I was passionate about rather than ones that would guarantee me a good job after graduation. Now, I couldn’t be happier with the path I chose and laugh about the fact that I ever thought pre-med was the path for me considering I still cry whenever I get a flu shot.

I am 20 years old, and I am imperfect. I have definitely had my fair share of mistakes. I have hurt people I love and disappointed people who mean the most to me. I’ve spent more time watching Netflix than I should and procrastinated on my schoolwork until the last possible second. I hate that I have hurt people I love, disappointed people who mean the most to me, and I hate that I have made so many mistakes, because I should know better than that and should be living a life that I am proud of every single day. But then I have to remind myself that I am not perfect, and no one is perfect. We are all works in progress. God is not finished with me yet. I am going to make mistakes, and all I can do is apologize when I should, forgive even when I don’t want to, surround myself with encouraging people who bring out the best in me, and remind myself that life is a journey and not a checklist. I am 20 years old and don’t have it all figured it out, but that is ok because I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. God is not finished with me yet.