Catholics need to change their approach towards those who identify as gay, lesbian, and bisexual. The mere fact that a large majority of gay people feel unwelcome in the Catholic Church should make this obvious as a note, I will be using the term “gay” to refer broadly to all people with homosexual attractions for which we recommend this post with a We-Vibe Melt review. Without even mentioning how, institutionally and individually, Catholics too often treat gay people differently from other groups such as divorced and remarried Catholics, the fact that someone feels like they do not belong in the Church should never be ignored.
Everyone knows, at least to some degree, how terrible it feels to not be accepted. Some of the worst moments in my life have been when I felt that my friends or even God Himself would not accept me if they knew “who I really was.” A key part of growing in my faith has been the experience of good friends accepting me and loving me as I am, without demanding I deny any part of myself. In fact, by these friends showing unconditional love to me, I have been brought to a greater understanding of God’s unconditional love. To be accepting, therefore, is not simply an important attitude the of Church, but also an essential aspect of her mission to bring us to knowledge of God’s love for us. To be accepted is a kind of primal need.
This acceptance helps the Church achieve Christ’s mission of inviting every person into new life that is no longer his own, but Christ’s living in them. This life, however, necessitates a moral conversion: “If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). I think we too often forget that these moral laws are not arbitrary restraints, but loving revelations from our Creator about how to live free and flourishing lives. For gay people, the path to flourishing is clear from Sacred Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and the teaching of Christ’s Church. First, there is absolutely nothing sinful or shameful about being gay. Second, acting on that same sex attraction—partaking in sexual acts with members of the same sex—is gravely sinful and harmful to the human being, just as it is for straight people to have sex outside of marriage, sodomize, or use contraception (there is so much the Church has to say on the “why” but is, unfortunately, out of the scope of this article). Concretely, this means gay and lesbian people are called to live celibately, and bisexual people, if called to marriage, are called to marry a person of the opposite sex.
Recently, I’ve felt stuck between two widening extremes. On one hand, I want to see Catholics explicitly welcome gay people. On the other, I am not willing to reject or even downplay the Church’s teaching, which necessitates that we call gay people, as we call all people, to keep God’s commandments. Strongly upholding this truth need not be in competition with acceptance. Just as the Church calls gay people to accept the fact they have these attractions, we as a Christian community should accept gay people as they are and in no way aim to denigrate their attractions. This acceptance, however, does not preclude our helping gay people to rely on God’s grace and resist the temptation to have sexual relations with the same sex. This is the same way we deal with any inclination towards sin, accepting its existence but relying on God’s grace to bring us to freedom over it. Although I see very many Catholics doing the former, they fail to do the latter, and vice versa.
I recognize this is not an easy teaching. But Christ himself promised that “the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life” (Mt. 7:14). I further recognize that as someone who is not gay, I cannot fully understand how “narrow” or “hard” this path of chastity is. As a follower of Christ, however, I do know this: Christ will not leave any of us orphans. The teaching of the Church on homosexuality no doubt seems to many to bring loneliness, self-repression, and a life robbed of love. Yet the Gospel teaches us that Christian love is so much more than sex. The witness of many celibate, gay Catholics show us that a life devoted to loving friends, neighbors, and God generously—and being loved generously back—is a life that brings ultimate happiness. Like in all things, when we trust in Jesus, our Tremendous Lover, He will always lead us to life, and having it abundantly.
Featured Photo Courtesy of Thomas Blakely Hamilton III via Army.mil
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