In the Netflix original docuseries Indian Matchmaking, Sima Taparia, an international matchmaker, guides individuals in America and India in their searches for life-partners and makes the case to viewers that modern arranged marriage still has a role to play in helping young people find a lasting union.
Right up front, I’ll admit that I am not Indian, and I do not have much personal insight into the Indian cultures of the participants in the show. However, as I watched the first season of the show, I was struck by the lucid gaze of both the matchmakers and her clients on the purpose, gravity, and realities of marriage.
Shared values and culture are often the driving factors behind a client’s choice to seek Sima’s assistance. Throughout the show, Sima repeats that marriage requires compromise and adjustment for both men and the women. Pradhyuman, a 30-year-old man from Mumbai, says, “these are the constructive years in a person’s life, and I would want that at least in my constructive years I would have someone to share it with.” Aparna, a 34-year-old woman from Texas reflects on the importance of choosing a life partner: “I think the only family member you select is your spouse. It’s the biggest choice you’ll make.”
The opinions of family members are vital in the matchmaking process. For some, the pressure of family members is overbearing. For others, the parents serve as guides, like Aparna’s mother to whom she affectionately calls her “best friend.” Sima reflects on her own marriage, saying, “Our parents at the time, they have seen what is good for us.” Prior to marrying she had met her husband-to-be for about 30 minutes, but Sima calls her 36 years of marriage the “golden period of my life.” In contrast to stories of unhappy forced arranged marriages like that of Aparna’s mother, Sima reinforces throughout the show that the clients “have full freedom and they bend little also” at the pressure of parents.
Indian Matchmaking received criticism for its treatment of caste and race discrimination by participants. Like all dating and relationship shows, the show runs the risk of failing to respect the dignity of the participants by treating their real lives as entertainment. Indian Matchmaking certainly had the potential to exoticize a long-standing tradition or rely upon stereotypes about Indian culture, but I felt that the culture was presented with respect. To this viewer, the scenes showing meetings with astrologers or one family’s personal shrine came across as genuine attempts at cross-cultural and interreligious understanding.
For the Catholic viewer, this series poses two questions: does the Catholic tradition permit arranged marriage? How does my faith’s understanding of marriage intersect with the one presented in Indian Matchmaking?
To the first question, the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC) is exceedingly clear that the free consent of both parties is crucial to the validity of a marriage. Insofar as the choice is free and informed, being set up with a date by an auntie who has your best interest in mind certainly does not cross these bounds.
There’s a lot to appreciate about the intersections of the portrayal of marriage in Indian Matchmaking and the Catholic understanding of marriage. The vocation to marriage is “written in the very nature of man and woman as they came from the hand of the Creator” (CCC 1603). The individuals seeking a life partner with whom to share life and to build a family are a beautiful example of this natural vocation.
Sima, as matchmaker, acknowledges a higher order to marriage, saying, “Matches are made in heaven, and God has given me the job to make it successful on Earth.” As Catholics, we also believe that marriage has a supernatural purpose, the mutual sanctification of the spouses. The graces of the sacrament are “intended to perfect the couple’s love and to strengthen their indissoluble unity. By this grace they ‘help one another to attain holiness in their married life and in welcoming and educating their children’” (CCC 1641).
The family-oriented nature of the show is another thing Catholics can appreciate. In addition to the family, the Catechism also includes “the Christian community as the ‘family of God’” as an important instructor of the values of marriage and family. While the desire to marry is natural, the Church strives to cultivate the supernatural discernment and careful intentionality required for strong and holy marriages.
Indian Matchmaking stands out as a refreshingly grounded and marriage-focused reality TV show. For American viewers, this series goes against the grain of an individualist culture in its promotion of family values and marriage as a good. For Catholic viewers, it is a chance to reflect on the natural and supernatural gifts of marriage and the family, both in our Church and in our society.
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