Let God Help

Going into my senior year, I made myself some promises for the academic year, as I’m sure many of us do. Among others, I told myself that I would not, as I had in high school, succumb to the laziness of “senioritis.” Coming up on the final few weeks of my undergraduate career, however, I found that despite my best efforts, I simply had no motivation, none of the drive that I had in previous years. “So what?” I told myself. I’ve been accepted into a grad program, I’ve absorbed tons of information, what if I don’t try my hardest for the last few weeks? 

The longer I let this go on, however, the worse I felt about myself. To top it all off, I’d fallen out of a good prayer habit as well, and my spirit was hurting. Consequently, I put less and less into my work until, one day, I spent the whole day avoiding work and moping on the couch. That night I had a “Come to Jesus” moment about what I was doing to myself, my education, and my relationship with God. The problem is, Aristotle was right. Once habits are formed, it’s like turning the Titanic to change them. I was sleeping in, avoiding prayer and work, and not exercising at all. I tried for a few days to mostly keep this routine but incorporate more study and prayer, and it just wasn’t working. I realized if I was going to change, it had to be drastic.

So, yesterday, I woke up at 6:30, prayed, did yoga, and went to morning Mass. I did it again today. Let me tell you, I haven’t felt this good or been this productive in weeks! Of course, it’s not yet a habit, but it’s a change in perspective. Rather than starting off the day by failing Goal #1—Get out of bed—I blew that goal right out of the water (to stick with our Titanic metaphor). By the time it was 8:30, I had exercised, been to Mass, and was on main campus. In previous days, I’d probably be on my phone in bed, if I was even awake. 

Sometimes we get stuck in bad habits. Our human reaction is to think: “I can get out of this, I have the will to change myself.” It’s hard to admit that you need help. Especially at BC, we have a little bit of pride in our academic achievements. Many of us had help, but we had to be a certain kind of person just to get into an institute of higher learning. It can be really hard for that kind of person to admit failure, at least it was hard for me. 

I had gotten so consumed in my own world of stress and misery that I had forgotten my greatest asset: God. You are never alone in your struggles, and you never have been. “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you” (Jer. 1:5). God knows us and loves us, and wants us to be fruitful. The best possible thing you can do for your busy life is to give more of it to God. Rather than having less time in the day from spending time at Mass, I have more, because I am using it fruitfully. 

If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, take my advice: start your morning by dedicating 15 minutes to God, even if it means waking up a little earlier. I wasn’t able to change my life until I put it in God’s hands. Maybe you are strong enough to change yourself to an extent, but it’s much easier with God on your side.

I will close with a line from St. Patrick’s Breastplate, a prayer very dear to me: “I arise today through a mighty strength, the innovation of the Trinity. Through belief in the Threeness, through confession of the Oneness of the Creator of Creation.”