Faith Features

I’m Starving

March 26, 2023
Julia Danehy
No Comments

How often do you eat when you’re not really hungry or drink when you are not really thirsty? Are there ever moments when you’re feeling stressed, tired, or lonely that seem to push you to eat whatever is in sight? Or you just feel so overwhelmed that you feel like you have to eat and it seems like every time you reach for another bite you’ve started to swallow before you even realize that you are eating? I don’t ask these questions without purpose or to judge or critique, rather I ask out of compassion. As far as my memory of eating stretches back into my past, there are not many times in my life that I can remember when I did not sneak an extra bite of something or reach for a second helping at dinner. 

The temptation was a constant struggle and I found myself gorging on food and drink when I was not even the slightest bit hungry. For years, I constantly confessed gluttony in the Sacrament of Reconciliation, but could not seem to temper my tendency to resort to food. I felt out of control and like I couldn’t help myself when the temptation to eat would arise. I could not seem to figure out why I couldn’t resist the urge, until I realized that I was starving—but not for food. 

Advertisements

As a child, I would have been classified as one of the most infamous categories of people in the realm of food consumption, “the picky eaters.” Yet, as I became more adventurous with food my hunger could not be satiated, bite after bite, I was never full. The more and more I ate with the desire to eat and be filled, the less and less I could actually enjoy the food itself. EVERYTHING lost its flavor. 

For months I was in misery, grasping at control and left helplessly defeated and ashamed when I succumbed to the temptation to eat again and again. It had become my god, to which all my thoughts and actions were oriented every waking minute of every day. I could not sit through one meal without thinking about the next one, it was endless—I, its slave, and food, my master. Agony. Misery. Defeat. 

Why? Why this torment, this hunger that never seemed to be satisfied? There are a few key moments in this journey that were critical to allowing God to open my eyes to the need for healing with regard to this lifelong temptation towards gluttony (the sin of overindulgence in food or drink). 1) We are finite beings with INFINITE potential, 2) Food is a gift from God that is reflective of His desire to Love us, 3) God Loves ME infinitely just as I am; there is nothing I can DO, say, think, act, feel, etc. to “earn” His Love; He loves ME just because—this applies to YOU TOO!!! Through these three realizations I will frame my understanding of the recent freedom I have received from this temptation. 

My Hunger could not be satisfied by the mere consumption of more calories. In fact, I often experienced a greater, more intense hunger the more and the more often I ate. Although we are mortals and there is a beginning and end to our earthly life, we have a spark of divinity embedded within the very fiber of our being that holds the potential for eternity. By that I mean although we are humans and we must die, we have the potential and hunger for something that extends beyond time and space, namely God. WE HUNGER FOR GOD, WE HUNGER FOR LOVE! We hunger for GOD WHO IS LOVE. We will only be satisfied with God who has the infinite capacity to Love and desires that Love for us. First and foremost, He Loves us no strings attached and desires that we may overflow with that Love as He does. 

This bountiful Love that flows from God is represented by the variety and richness of Creation. Notice how when creating all the things “that were good to eat” God didn’t just say, “here you go, I am giving you this one kind of orange; that’s it, that’s all you need to survive, period end of story.” No, He is absolutely outlandish in his extravagant showering of the Earth with sweet, luscious fruits, earthy nuts, and all sorts of delectable foods all for us to eat and delight in. The extravagance with which God displays His desire to nourish our bodies with the fruits of His Creation parallels His ardent, aching desire to LOVE US!

GOD DESIRES YOU! Please take a minute to think about the fact that God desires to LOVE YOU!! He wants to pour His infinite love into you in such a way that you are not only overflowing with it, but bursting like water rushing through a broken dam. It is important to note that His LOVE is already within you. You DO NOT have to grasp at it or try to do anything to earn His Love. HE already LOVES you INFINITELY, in every fiber of your being; in all the gnarled, nasty nooks and crannies of yourSELF. He KNOWS THEM and HE LOVES them all, HE LOVES YOU, in YOUR ENTIRETY, INFINITELY!! Once you know that you have the choice whether or not to believe it! 

With all this in my mind and in my heart; I began to pray that God would heal all the wounds that had left me in pain and starvation. In conjunction with the desires and prayers that my heart would be healed, I prayed for about a year that God would teach me what it “meant/looked like” to love as God Loves. Through those prayers, He revealed many painful truths, but also opened my eyes to His desire to heal my aching soul. He longed not only for me to know that He LOVED ME, but to believe it with my whole body, heart, mind, and soul. 

I was starving. 

But it was not my body that hungered, it was my soul. When I finally believed Him, when I embraced the truth that HE LOVES ME, the nagging, aching hunger left me for the first time in my life and I was free. God has set me free with His LOVE. I am no longer beholden to the hunger of the flesh, for God has revealed the true hunger of my soul. The hunger for HIM and HIS LOVE. To believe in Christ’s Love for YOU is the only way the hunger of your soul will truly be satisfied. I pray that you may believe and be satisfied, restored, and freed by the LOVE of Christ. God Bless you all!

Julia Danehy
Latest posts by Julia Danehy (see all)

Join the Conversation!