Husbands, Love Your Wives

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.” (Eph. 5:25-28).

It is impossible, in any honest discussion of the topic, to remove one part of Ephesians 5 from the next. Paul’s sentences here, in harmony, constitute the blueprints for a Christian home. There must always be the wife submitting herself and the husband loving sacrificially.

Now the authority of a husband does not mean, in any way, that he is superior to his wife. Authority does not equal worth, an idea best shown by the Holy Family. While St. Joseph was the head of the Holy Family, he was the only member who had sin, and remained below Our Lady in terms of closeness to God. Clearly, it is necessary to separate grace, worth, or dignity in the eyes of God from authority.

What does it mean, then, for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church? The center and summit is self-sacrifice. Any man who claims to love his wife, but will not sacrifice himself every day in small and large ways, does not truly love his wife in the way he should. The calling to imitate Christ’s love for the Church is extraordinarily weighty.

If the Son emptied Himself and took the form of a slave for His bride, how much more are husbands called to humiliate themselves for the sake of their wives? If Jesus was willing to work for decades as a carpenter in preparation for His ministry to the Church, how much more should men work hard at whatever jobs they can to provide for their wives? If Christ died for His bride, how ready must men be to die in large and small ways daily?

The call to chivalry goes beyond just marriage—men must treat all women with the utmost respect, knowing that their great sacrifices merit every honor. In that same Ephesians 5, Paul warns against vulgar talk. There is never an excuse for speaking of women as either objects or as lesser than men either in a joke or—far worse—seriously. A good test for whether a joke in connection to women is worth being made is whether you would make it around Our Lady.

The gauntlet has certainly been thrown down for men, and their calling to love like Christ would be impossible were it not for Him. As we move through Lent, let us, and especially men, meditate on Jesus’ love for His mother, and treat the women in our lives with the same respect.