“As the Church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.” (Eph 5:24)
This line is often met with indignation, and especially as a woman myself, it is tempting to overlook—similar to other “controversial” Church teachings that are ignored by people who wish to cherry-pick only those things in the faith with which they comfortably agree. That being said, the family is the building block of society, and without virtuous familial relations everything crumbles. That is why male headship, referenced numerous times in Scripture, is so important.
The common balking reaction most people have to male headship seems to stem from a misunderstanding of the essence of authority and submission. In America, this is likely due to an unfamiliarity with old-fashioned monarchy, having grown up in a democratic republic where politicians are nearly synonymous with deceit and greed. However, much can be gained from viewing the family unit as a microcosm of an ancient kingdom. In a kingdom, the king and queen jointly care for the land, but there is a hierarchy and difference of roles. In the first place, when it comes down to it, the king is the sole leader of the nation—it is he who has the final word on wars to be waged, rebellions quenched, criminals pardoned, or laws passed. What separates the honorable rulers of old from the tyrants is that every bit of a righteous king’s power has the purpose of serving his people, and his reign reflects that duty. Subjects obey his command, yet his authority is what puts food on their table. His queen advises him, yet submits to his decisions in order that he may protect and serve the people. He owns his people not as a miser owns coins but as sheep belong to their shepherd. His will is exercised not for his own power trips, but that all may be guided and have life.
In this way, the family should also function. The father and husband must lead and command, yet this does not mean cold dominion but, rather, loving protection and provision for those under his charge. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her…So [also] husbands should love their wives as their own bodies… For this reason, the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:22-33). The captain is master of the ship, yet also the first to lay down his life for its sake. Practically speaking, this means that, for instance, when an issue comes up in the running of the family, the spouses should peacefully discuss, but if no agreement is reached the judgment is finally referred to the husband. Of course, if the husband is acting against God’s law, or even against civil law or social custom, then it is licit for his wife and children to respectfully disobey, just as we would any authority figure ordering evil. Everyone in the family, including the wife, must treat the head of household with respectful deference, and in turn the head should have a humble attitude of service towards the other members of the family, just as Jesus does to His Bride, the Church.
Some may be led to believe that headship will introduce unfair inequality into marriage, which is supposed to be a lifelong partnership between spouses for the procreation and rearing of children. This objection, however, misinterprets what equality means. The distinction between sameness and equality, status and subordination must be understood properly. Due to inherent natural differences between the sexes, a husband and wife will never be the same, and neither will their roles. But in terms of their value as human beings in the eyes of God, men and women are equally beloved creations. Likewise, one person may be subordinate to another person, yet their status as a person does not change, and likewise one is not “better” than the other. In this way, Christ is subordinate to His Father, yet they are both equally God.
Many ask, why is the male by default bestowed headship and not the female? The reason for this is rooted simply in the definitions of male and female. The natural capacities of women are that they are more fit for the role of caregiver in the family (as they bear and raise the children), whereas men are by nature more fit for the role of protector/provider, with greater physical strength and impersonal decision-making abilities. While there may be exceptions or special circumstances warranting family situations to differ, God has provided this framework for the flourishing of humanity and we ought to follow it as best we can.
Liana Winans is a lifelong Bostonian studying Biology as a freshman in MCAS. While not working on Torch articles or practicing pro-life apologetics, she will often be found playing basketball in the Rec, reading at the Res, playing piano, or watching old action movies. Her go-to prayer is the Divine Mercy Chaplet.
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