Throughout the course of my time at BC, many people have posed the same questions: “How do you still maintain your faith and keep it going? Why do you still believe?” Every time these questions are asked of me, I find myself giving a variation of the same answer every time. My faith is something that has kept me going in the darkest of times. Yes, I did grow up in a family that held strong Catholic values, but my faith was not truly mine until I came to BC. To this day, however, I still do not know the exact moment when I decided to take my faith and make it my own.
It started for me in the fall of my freshman year, in what used to be the Gasson chapel during the renovations at St. Mary’s Hall. I attended Mass daily at 12pm Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and 11am Tuesday and Thursday. Mass was a quiet time for me to deeply connect with my faith, and it was something that I could reassure my mother about during her check-ins. It also helped me get reacquainted with God because going to Mass was my own personal choice. After a while, I began to go to the chapel earlier to extend my reflective time with God, and I started to talk to Him more and more in my head. Eventually, I had established a relationship with God that was more personal and intimate to me. Throughout my undergraduate career, my relationship with God remained constant, though many things around and within me changed.
Having a strong relationship with God did not mean that I was immune to hardship or challenges. Racist incidents on and off campus, significant losses, social injustices within the Church, and struggles with friends all challenged my faith. When things are going well, it is easy to just talk to God fondly about all that is right in the world, but when difficulties arise, that’s when real faith and character is built.
During each of these moments in my life, I have had so many questions for God: “Why does He allow such things to happen? Why have things not changed?” Many times in prayer, I have found myself pondering these questions over and over in my head but I have realized that answers may not always come. I have to be comfortable with ambiguity and push through those moments of discomfort. I am a person who ruminates over issues when I am feeling troubled but I always try to remind myself of the incredibly power nature of God which surpasses my own limited understanding.
Even though I do not have all of the answers, I can say that I continue to believe because my relationship with God has been something for me to rely on. My faith has remained constant throughout my life at BC, and it continues to grow each and every day. In times of struggle or when I feel overwhelmed, it brings me comfort to know that I don’t have to figure life out on my own. That alone brings me solace in times of strife and darkness.
Featured image courtesy of the Office of University Communications
Ejuma is a 2018 graduate of Boston College and is a current master's student in the Mental Health Counseling Program in the Lynch School of Education and Human Development. As an undergrad, she majored in English and Women’s and Gender studies. Even though she has lived among Patriots fans for the past five years, she is very loyal to her home team, the Baltimore Ravens. Ejuma is passionate about mental health and wellness, women’s rights, social justice and racial issues. In her free time, she can be found catching up on her favorite shows, This is Us and Modern Family, baking or going for a run.
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